Friday, September 1, 2017

memories of the known

One day teacher took mulla's class to a mountain side. Although everyone was happy and busy running around enjoying the expanse of view, Mulla was lying on his back whole day and looking at clouds in the blue sky. End of the day while everyone had so much fun and activity, Mulla's teacher was a little annoyed with his behaviour. She pointed out to mulla " look mulla, they all had such a great time. they enjoyed the view of the valley, explored the flora and fauna and are taking back so many memories of new things whereas you spend an entire day looking at the same sky that you see from your terrace back home!!"
Mulla with a polite smile replied "I love memories of the known"

clay doesn't listen

Mulla's neighbour was a famous conceptual artist like Mulla or may be more famous. A well read man, in theory, history, philosophy and with wide exposure to art and design world, he always argued that skill of making is only a craft any idiot can practice in comparison to the skill of thinking and conceptualisation. One day he came to visit mulla and saw mulla sitting next to a lump of clay and having an animated conversation with clay. Curious, he asked mulla what was he doing?
Shrugging his shoulder like any wise man and told: " Oh, I was telling entire history, theory, philosophy, process and methodology to this clay but it refuses to become a pot..."

dichotomy

Mulla one day reached home tired and told bivi." bivi, I think either I have gone mad or the world. When I say I don't have career ambition, do not want to pull down friends and colleagues, do not want to destroy and defeat others to become successful, the world disbelieves me and thinks I am mad. But when I say five years down the lane, I want to push aside everybody around to reach the top, destroy competitors, create more venom and garbage to become successful make a mess around my life, they feel I am competent !!!"

for whom

" is it tree or the forest bigger?" asks daughter
"for whom " replies mulla

at the brink of collapse

"when you are hopeless, at brink of collapse, tired of things, what do I do Mulla..." Asks desperate daughter
"Smile and hug the next person..." says Mulla

I don't believe in khafir gods

" I am a Muslim. I don't believe in khafir Gods.." says mulla's friend.
"oh I am curious, when you pray how do you make other Gods deaf ?" asks Mulla

human

"I am a hindu " says proud friend of mulla
"by birth or by choice" asks mulla
"by birth and by choice" says friend
"sorry to hear that you couldn't be a human by birth or choice!" says mulla.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

if fish learned to fly

as the industry is down and automation took over his job, Mulla became jobless. Wherever he applied for job he was told, he needs to acquire new skill sets in line with demands of the time. His wife also thought that suggestion was correct and asked Mulla "Mulla why don't you listen to them ... it is only for your benefit..."
Sipping his coffee Mulla patiently replied, " if fish learned to fly only birds will benefit..."

is there a God?

one day Mulla rushed to a local Maulvi and asked him "Maulvi I have a serious question " is there really a God?"
Maulvi was shocked by the question and shouted at Mulla in a threatening voice "Mulla!! you are making a blasphemous comment. Do you know the consequences?"
After a pause, Mulla exclaimed " Oh! that is the reason I have to believe in God..."

What is money

One day Mulla's friend asked him " mulla saheb you are a wise man, tell me what is money ?"
Mulla replied " oh that is simple. Imagine we both are hungry and only I have the money, then money is power. if I have the money and you have the food, then money is a business. If both of us have money and food, money is friendship. If both of us have money and both of us do not have food, then money is poverty. if you have more food and we have equal money, then money is the rivalry. If you have more food and I have more money then money is profit. If both of us have food and no money then money is competition. if you have both money and food while I have a knife, money is a crime. If you have both money and food while I have nothing and you share some food, money is socialism. If you have money and food while I have nothing and government take them away from you and gives us a little of both, then it is communism. If both of us have nothing and government force us to take a bank loan and buy food from a hoarder by convincing us that it is our great effort and success, then money is capitalism. if we both of us do not have anything and keep on electing leaders in the hope of one day we will get money and food, then money is a democracy. If both of us have neither money or food and the government reminds us to sacrifice both for the larger cause of the country by questioning our patriotism, then money is nationalism. if both of us are counting profit and have neither money or food, then money is a stock exchange. If both of us are reminded about the materiality of money and evil it brings to us, we believe it and surrenders all that we have to make the preacher rich, then money is religion. Finally, while learning about money from me without paying a rupee and then you pretend to be enlightened, money is education.

where is the soul ?

Mulla's friend was a rationalist and Mulla was a religious person. His friend always argued with Mulla about the futility of his religious beliefs especially about the concept of the soul. He argued, "this is only your body, where is your soul ?"
Mulla always ignored his questions to avoid a confrontation, but one day he could not take it any longer and requested his friend to take him to his home"
The friend was happy to take him to his house. Once entered into his house Mulla politely asked him " This is only your house. where is your home?"

Monday, June 12, 2017

what structure

Mulla always makes sentences with flawed grammar and broken structure. Still, people went to him for opinions. His neighbour was a scholar and linguist and no one went to him for an opinion. He could not control his hurt ego for long and one day he went to mulla and told him "Mulla you know, your language is devoid of any structure or grammar, I don't think anyone understands you"
Mulla smiled at him and whistled, neighbourhood dogs came rushing towards him. He patted them and then they went back. He took one piece of fish threw outside, neighbourhood cats came running. Then he took a bowl of wheat and threw outside, all neighbourhood birds came flying. Then his wife came at the door and Mulla looked at her and five minutes later to the surprise of the neighbour she brought two cups of hot tea for them.
Then mulla politely asked " what did you say?... what structure and grammar? :-)

Sunday, May 14, 2017

assessements

Mulla's neighbour was a tough teacher. It was a tough place for students as his assessment methodologies for annual examinations were too complicated that most students go disheartened. Considering this tough nature of his examination, in the village, it was considered whoever goes through that tough grilling and gets good grade are really great minds. So the parents would always rush for a seat in his class for their children.
Seeing children always walk out of his class with sad faces, mulla went to the teacher and asked why does he make the assessments so tough and complicated.
Teacher proudly replied, " as a teacher one has to start from the reach of roots to branches to understand the growth holistically..."
Mulla did not say any word and came out. Once came outside, he started taking out the beautiful flower plants from soil that were planted at their boundaries. Mulla would lift the plants one by one from soil and examine its roots and plant it back. This process continued next day and the day after too. 
In two days most of the plants have started to die and angry neighbourhood teacher yelled at Mulla " mulla what are you doing ? you are killing those beautiful plants"
Mulla politely replied, " oh I am just examining its growth..."
"..but that you can see it from outside that they are blossoming... " shouted back the teacher
Mulla politely smiled at him and said "oh you knew it...." :-)

language of grammar

Mulla always makes sentences with flawed grammar and broken structure. Still, people went to him for opinions. His neighbour was a scholar and linguist and no one went to him for an opinion. He could not control his hurt ego for long and one day he went to mulla and told him "Mulla you know, your language is devoid of any structure or grammar, I don't think anyone understands you"
Mulla smiled at him and whistled, neighbourhood dogs came rushing towards him. He patted them and then they went back. He took one piece of fish threw outside, neighbourhood cats came running. Then he took a bowl of wheat and threw outside, all neighbourhood birds came flying. Then his wife came at the door and Mulla looked at her and five minutes later to the surprise of the neighbour she brought two cups of hot tea for them.
Then mulla politely asked " what did you say?... what structure and grammar? :-)

Monday, December 19, 2016

Entertainment

In Alleppo every one  was running away or at least trying to escape except Mulla. Curious neighbour asked him the reason
"oh how does it matter. If you remain here Russians will bomb, if you escape Americans will bomb and if you stay back at least you will be an entertainment for world television audience:-) "

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Black not any more

Every day morning a craw comes and sits next to Mulla and one day it did not turn up. Mulla was worried after long wait the craw turned up bleached white.  Mulla asked the craw the reason.


" Oh I heard you all Indians are turning into white ! so I went to get bleached myself white..." said craw

green to saffron

As a  patriotic Indian when Mullah became prime minister, he took away all Pakistani green from traffic signals and replaced with saffron and the nation stopped at signals.


reflections


Mulla spends a lot of time in front of mirror every day. One day Mulla's wife joked
"however you look and how long you look, you will be the same Mulla. Mirror won't change you ..."
"oh  dear, you are confused. I do not want to change myself. I am changing my reflections" said mulla

Monday, November 28, 2016

Demonetisation

Post demonetisation Mulla was on his morning walk and met his beggar friend who looked tired and lost. On enquiry he replied Mulla
"Government withdrew 500s and 1000s but vanished from market is the rest of denominations...all have 2000s and I have nothing!!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Love

"there is no love left in our life Mulla " complains wife
"I wish..!" replies Mulla

Right wing fundamentalists

"the world over right wing fundamentalists are rising. what do we do Mulla" asks Mulla's friend anxiously 
"do what world has always been doing. Draw a line after them. They all will become left wing fundamentalists" Mulla replied patiently

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Maths

" I have got hundred percentage in maths" happily said Mulla's daughter
" great ! I admire you my daughter, but now what do you want to do now? " asks Mulla
"Want to study maths..." replies daughter
" are you fooling me or your school?  you said you got hundred percentage in maths now, then what will you study in maths ?" asks Mulla in anger !

wise man

"I have no answers to your questions " said Mulla
"But you are a wise man !" exclaimed disciple
"that is what wisemen always thought about fools" replied Mulla

Saturday, November 12, 2016

value of money

"Abba how do you calculate value of money? " asks daughter to Mulla
"you understand it when you lose it "  says Mulla 

Thursday, November 10, 2016

us microscope

" what is opinion about Trumps getting elected as American president?" asks Mulla's friend
"Vey good.." says Mulla
" unlike ever before, US will remain under public microscope inside and under telescope for outside world"

us microscope

" what is opinion about Trumps getting elected as American president?" asks Mulla's friend

"Vey good.." says Mulla
" unlike ever before, US will remain under public microscope and global telescope"

Museum

Mulla went to see national archeological  museum for the first time. After spending couple of hours inside when Mulla came out, his friend asked him
"how is the Museum Mulla.."
 " in our village, we call such place Cemetery not Museum..." Mulla replied

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

five hundred rupees and identity

Mulla's wife came back from bank with five hundred rupees in her hand and complained Mulla" Mullaji, bank people says they will not take this money without identity card. I always told you to make some identity card..."
Mulla asked his wife " how many five hundred rupees do you have?"
"ten" replied wife
"ahh . that is is the problem. If you had them in hundreds of thousands, it would have been your best identity" said mulla

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

hundreds of thousands

Wife asked Mulla " you have opinion on everything on earth. What is your opinion about currency withdrawal ...?"

" it is the first time I am with hundred rupee in pocket a rich man and our neighbour with hundreds of thousands in his pocket is a poor" replied Mulla

Monday, November 7, 2016

constipation got over

" wow! finally US presidential election today...." Wife told with excitement to Mulla
" seeing your excitement, I thought our donkey's constipation got over ...." replied mulla 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

grounded man always needs protection

Mulla's friend went to Masjid and after namaz when he came out, he realised that he lost his shoes. He went inside to complain Mulla about his shoe. Mulla patiently listened to him and told " You should be thankful to Allah Talla to  ground you firm and erect on your feet from your false idea of protection"
His friend agreed and as he was going back he saw his shoe was placed back again at the same spot he left it. Happy he went back to Mulla to ask  what does that indicate.
Without any doubt Mulla replied
" Allah knows, a grounded man always needs protection..."

better be prepared

Mulla was an insurance agent. One day during a midsummer night Mulla was walking with an umbrella and dark goggles. Surprised villagers asked him why does he carry an opened umbrella and dark goggles during a summer night. 
"oh within few hours it will be a bright sunny day and within few months it will be raining. I do not want to struggle at that time...better be prepared"

art

Today Mulla was sleeping. When he got up, his daughter went upto him and asked " abba...what is art?"
After a long pause, painfully he replied 
"that is not a question my daughter, that is the answer..."

Friday, November 4, 2016

It must have been great

On their return from a holiday trip, neighbours asked Mulla about the trip
"oh we got more than fifty likes on twitter, facebook and instagram for our selfies, so I assume it must have been a great trip..." replied Mulla

It was a great escape

On weekends like everyone in the city Mulla also went out of city to a nearby tourist centre. On his return his friends asked him about the journey
"Oh Such a wonderful place. Most importantly I did not miss the city at all. Every where there were traffic jams and over crowded and above all everyone was so friendly to charge us double or tripple the actual prices. It was a great escape from city life" quipped Mulla

Persecuted King

One day, to tide over his financial crisis, Mulla went to meet the King who is known for his authoritarianism. Everybody forewarned Mulla that if anything goes wrong his fate will be sealed. But to everybody's surprise Mulla came back with success and ton loads of money. When they asked how did he trick the king, he politely replied
"oh it was very easy. Authoritarianism is the sign of self doubt about the system and people they preside over. So I told him he is a victim, persecuted by his country and countrymen. Now he is convinced, I am his only true friend ..." and Mulla laughed

I was scared that it is police....

In the middle of night, there was some sudden noises coming out from Mulla's kitchen. Mulla woke up and quietly went to kitchen and came back relieved.  Wife asked him what was the noise. 
"oh nothing to worry it was couple of thieves. I was scared that  it is police...."  replied Mulla. 

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Profit losses

One day doctor Mulla was seen standing in a pensive mood among graveyards in a cemetery. After sometime the gate keeper went upto him and asked what was he doing there.

"I am looking at my profit losses..." sadly replied Mulla

Trump TRP

Mulla as a American TV  station owner
" I wish  we could have postponed this election to   2017.    We would have made our next fifty years ad revenue in one year with this Global anxiety Trump TRP..." 

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

we are the nation of peace

"We are the most peace loving country of all the world..." said the disciple with proud

"oh that may be the reason in all our eighteen Puranas, Gods believed saving means killing or destroying and took avathars again and again to destroy and kill every counter views and opposition...." smiled Mulla

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

what is communism

Mulla was a communist.  One day his daughter asked him " what do you mean by communist?"
Mulla was silent for some time and replied " hundred years back it was an economic model ...now it is about exchange rate"

medicine man

Mulla went to a doctor with fever. As doctor prescribed him medicine,  Mulla asked the doctor " how do you know this medicine will work?"
" it worked for all " politely doctor replied
Not satisfied Mulla asked
"what if it decides to stop working ??"
Laughing at that question the doctor replied
"don't worry Mulla, it doesn't have a mind of its own...it is only a chemical"
" why didn't you tell me earlier that you are a chemical dealer not a medicine man!!" Mulla quipped in a shock

Monday, October 31, 2016

Tribal chief and Mulla

Tribal chief of Chhattisgarh went to meet Mulla and complained " Mulla in the last five years thousands of my people are being killed by the police. Neither the media nor the people or judiciary are bothered ...you are a wise man . Tell me what to do??".
" tell them it is taking place in Dekota ...their blood will start boiling. Or else tell them Hindus are butchered..." replied Mulla

what is a law papaji ?

Mulla's daughter came running with her text book
"papaji...what is  law"

" Law? that is simple ..Law is a strange faith enforced upon poor, preached to middle class, interpreted for the convenience of rich, never understood by politician  and it's experts   make a  lavish living out of it by lobbying with powerful.." explained Mulla

Sunday, October 30, 2016

who is the best

One day two religious sects were having a fight in the market over a claim whose religion was better and greater than the other.. As the fight was on Mulla reached the spot and the fighting factions approached Mulla for a resolve.  Mulla was a wise man, so they agreed whatever be the Mulla's decision they will abide by it.

"Now both sides should tell me, when did their scriptures were written one by one " ordered Mulla
"Ours is two thousand years old..." said faction one
"ours is three thousand years old..." said the faction two
"okay this is my decision, as per our religious practices, faction two's scriptures are much older and primitive...so they make better religion" Mulla gave his decision. 

you are too obedient

One day one young man came to Mulla and told
" Mulla, you are a great man. Please take me as your student. I want to be like you..."
Mulla looked at him seriously for some time and ordered
"sit"
Boy immediately followed his instruction and sat on the floor.
Then Mulla ordered " stand"
Boy stood up
Then Mulla ordered " turn around and face me"
Boy followed the order
" sorry my son. You are too obedient ... you can only be a disciple,  you will never become  " I " .

Peace and guns

Mulla  founded a religion of  peace and love. One day Mulla invited local arms trader to his place and gave order for hundred assault rifles. Curious trader asked mulla " Mulla !! you are an apostle of peace and love..then why do you need guns?"
"oh ..they are not for me. They are for my disciples ..." Mulla replied peacefully .  

you made exit, but they haven't

As usual everywhere for  gentlemen,  Mulla's friend was also paid less, treated badly and exploited most at his office. Finally he decided to put in his paper. Contrary to his expectation, although everyone pretended being sympathetic to him, no one actually cared much about his resignation.  Mulla's friend was saddened by this response of his boss and colleagues  and on his way back  went to meet Mulla to tell his story.

"Don't worry my friend...they may be smart enough to exploit you, but you are smart enough to recognise them. You made the exit, but they haven't..." consoled Mulla

see you yesterday

As Mulla was leaving his friend's house, Mulla told his friend " Good bye friend.. see you yesterday..."

His surprised friend asked him " yesterday is over, it is past. How will you meet me yesterday.."
" oh... I am definite only about yesterday. I am not sure about tomorrow..." replied Mulla

Emperor

Mulla went to Delhi to see the emperor. As he reached near red fort, he saw a huge army barricade around the fort. He went upto one of the soldiers and asked them what were they doing.
" what kind of question is yours...we are protecting the emperor...." said the soldier.
"what kind of emperor is he who needs protection to protect us..." surprised mulla

Friday, October 28, 2016

high ideals

Mulla was the chief guest at an school function. All the speakers before him spoke about value, enlightenment and responsibility of education and the efforts students have to put in to achieve those high ideals.  As the Mulla's turn came up, he told students " ...I do not know about learning those high ideals the previous speakers have spoken about, but please learn how to clean the garbage created by your elder generations who learned those high ideals..."

stop and honk

Mulla went to driving class inside the city and when he came back, he told his wife " you know ....driving is so easy inside city. All you have to do is stop and honk..."

you need someone to wake you up

It was cold outside. Mulla phoned his neighbour and asked him to go and knock his door urgently.  His neighbour rushed to Mulla's house thinking something would have went wrong and knocked Mulla's door. As the knocking continued Mulla slowly got up from bed and opened the door. When Mulla's neighbour saw him behind the opened door, got angry and asked when he was inside, why did he ask him to come all the way to knock Mulla's door?
Mulla politely told his neighbour" I am sorry my friend...but you know when  the world outside is cold and inside home it is warm, you need someone to knock your door to get you wake up and open the door..."

Justice, reality and truth

One day Mulla's friend asked him " Mulla, you are a learned man...Please tell me what is justice?"
Mull instead of answering him,  asked him

" before answering your question,  I am broke and have no money in my pocket, can you give me some money ?"

His friend took out hundred rupees from pocket and told Mulla
" I have only this hundred rupees,  please take fifty from it "
.Mulla took the fifty and told him " this is called justice "

But his friend was not satisfied and went on asking him again

"But Mulla what if I had thousand rupee in my pocket and lied you that I have only hundred rupee?"
"oh then it will be called reality" replied Mulla

Still not satisfied friend asked " What if I had million rupee and gave you fifty?"
" then it will be called truth " replied Mulla with a smile.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Mulla and capitalism

One day Mulla and his child was on a boat crossing a river.   Child was preparing for her economic exam and asked Mulla " papa what is capitalism?"

" that is simple. consider this boat as an example. Instead of paying for ticket, we will convince the boat man that selling this boat to us is more profitable and risk free than owning it. For that we will pay him in instalments and for that instalments we will convince all these travellers to invest additional money  along with their ticket cost,  so that they   will be given profit margin from their own tickets.

Effectively
We will travel for free ,
We will own this boat
We will  turn the boat man from owner to our employee  and he will continue to work as he was before to earn his salary we  will decide
And travellers will not only pay for their ticket but also invest additional amount to fund our purchase of this boat to that they will be given a share of profit from their own tickets they purchase.

This is called capitalism"  explained Mulla

Mulla has a point

Mulla and his wife were having a fight and  entire neighbourhood could hear their loud noise. After a long time Mulla walked out of the house. As he was coming out, his neighbour enquired what happened. Mulla replied with an anguish face " She believes I will start a fight tomorrow but I believe she will start and she doesn't agree to my rational arguments...."

Gay parade and Mulla

Mulla went to gay parade.  As he was entering the parade he was stopped by the organisers. They asked him " you look like an orthodox man, not one of us...?"
 confused Mulla exclaimed
" Oh...I didn't realise you guys have started a religion"

Mulla at the graveyard

Mulla was a poor man but he without a fail would visit the grave of village's richest man every month .  One day the priest asked him what does he do every month at the rich man's graveyard.
"oh nothing ..I go there to reassure  that I am not at  a loss..."

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

mechanic and professor mulla

Car Mechanic joked Mulla who is a professor of Automobile engineering 
"Mulla sahib you are a professor of automobile engineering and do not know how to change a break lever ...?

"If I knew, I would have also become a mechanic like you, earning a pittance ..." replied Mulla

Jesus asks Mulla

Mulla after death went to meet Jesus at a coffee shop. As the coffee is being served Jesus asked Mulla
"How are my disciples back on earth...?"
"oh ...they still carry the cross you left behind...." replied Mulla. 

when you make mistake

Mulla was a holy man. One day one of his desperate disciple came to him and told him " Mulla saheb, in my life I did so many mistakes and my self and my family had to suffer for these mistakes. Yesterday you know I did this mistake ...." and he went on narrating his mistake and asked " Mulla saheb, tell me what do I do?"

"you did one more mistake..." smiling Mulla replied. 

Monday, October 24, 2016

Mulla in Kashi

As custom demands every one are supposed to leave behind something forever from their life when the visit Kashi. When Mulla returned from Kashi, wife asked him what did he leave behind.
"Oh.. I left behind the hope of leaving behind something...." replied mulla

donkeys or people, how does it matter

Mulla was a donkey's doctor but he practices for people and finally one day he was caught and produced before court.
Judge asked him" are you a donkey's doctor?"
Mulla : "yes your honour "
Judge :" then why do you treat people??"
Mulla politely replied "how does it matter your honour...! ...more over donkeys can not afford my medical tests..."

A house in the city

Mulla bought his house inside city. As he was giving the Key to his wife, he reminded her " ...here is the house and if city administration, flyovers, roads, town planners, Builders, and artists do not claim and occupy this building, it will be yours..."

Mulla at jail

Mulla was sent to jail. Once he got into jail cloths, with a sigh of relief Mulla exclaimed " Wow...! now I don't have to do any crime..."

Mulla journalist

Mulla was an American  stringer journalist.  Mulla went to a global meeting by white supremacists, hindu, jew and Islamic fundamentalists.

After the meeting, Mulla emailed  his  report all his agencies
To American paper “ Islamic terrorists at Euro-Israeli-Indian summit”
To European paper “ Terror makes a come back “
To Middle east news paper “ Islamic point of view  at Global friendship summit”
To Indian news paper  “ Israeli-Indo- European meeting on Global terror”
To Pakistan news paper “ India set to size at Global peace meeting”


sanity

Mulla was a Syrian refugee and was at the gate of one of European refugee  centre. The officer at the gate started asking question
“Are you Muslim?”
Mulla was silent
“Are you a refugee or a pretender?”
Mulla was silent
“what is your purpose of coming here?”
Mulla was again silent
Angry officer shouted at Mulla.
“are you insane ? why don’t you answer?”
Mulla politely replied

“Sir, you were asking all insane questions and I am the one who is  keeping a sane silence.!!”

Mulla meets Buddha

Mulla went to meet Buddha.  During the meeting Buddha remained silent.  On his return wife asked how did the meeting go  
“oh it was great. It went on very well. I did not ask any question and he did not answer either. So neither of us had to convince….” Mulla replied happily